User blog:Justjeulin/Breaking Down CWAC Pages - Ep 3
The Parlimant didn't say I could do this. They didn't say I couldn't either. Dylan also didn't say I could do this and might complain that this was supposed to be his thing. Soz Dyl <3 Okay, I started writing "Esvald Magnaside" in 2012. It's 2014, and I'm now writing audio plays. My writing has improved a lot and I thought it'd be fun to look back on my cringe-worthy writing. LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN In Which Esvald Learns To Fight Because Plot Esvald was adopted by Ace and Eve Magnaside at 5 years old when they found him at a hospital on the war torn planet of Ord Mantell. GUS: '''I'm so confused, who was Esvald with before he was 5? (Also Eve? Come on Past Gus, be original.) They took him in and he met his younger brother Clarx. As they grew up, they were always together, '''GUS: Ew what. teaching each other how to shoot. By age 15, Esvald was in a group that wanted to rebel against the droids that took over the planet. GUS: Woah woah woah when did the droids take over the planet? Why throw sudden info like that? The group started slowly, GUS: NOPE. only sniping droid squads transporting food taken from the poor and giving it back. Clarx was an expert sniper, and Esvald was an amazing fighter. GUS: Where is all of this coming from? When and how did Esvald become an amazing fighter? But one day...they were spotted. The two were seen by a small spy droid that made them wanted criminals. When a droid army came into their village to get them, the two were forced to evacuate with their parents. They were spotted by droid snipers and aimed at Esvald, but their mother saw and jumped infront of him. She died. GUS: Trying to hard to be Batman. Magnaguards ran towards them, but their father took out his blaster and shot the droids, saying he would never leave his wife. GUS: Cliched drama. The two brothers ran, and stole a ship. But the blockade in space was blocking their way. GUS: OH MY GOD WHAT THE BLOCKADE WAS BLOCKING THEM WOAH THAT'S WRINKLING MY BRAIN Cliched Repetition The ship flew past multiple ships, dodging laser bolts. Esvald was a good pilot, havign had some experience on his speeder GUS: *Having. Also just because you can ride a bike doesn't mean you can drive a truck. Clarx was on the turrets, shooting the droid ships. They managed to get out of their. GUS: *There. They decided to go to Coruscant, as it was a big city where they could get a new fresh start. GUS: '''How does Coruscant being a big city have anything to do with them needing a fresh start? Also, "They decided to go to Coruscant". Why write that? That sounds like it belongs in a children's book. Should have written some proper dialogue. But a second before they went into hyperspeed, one of the 4 engines was hit and they went into hyperspeed and entered Coruscant air space, crashing into the planet. '''GUS: Before they went into hyperspeed ... they went into hyperspeed. Repetition is repetetive. Short Sections Don't Deserve A Good Title They crashed into the capital planet of Coruscant, past the tall buildings, GUS: I think that if I was reading Star Wars fan-fiction I'd know there where tall buildings in Coruscant. Esvald knew that the ship was gonna blow up, GUS: How? so he opened the doors, got Clarx out, GUS: Can't Clarx get himself out? and they jumped on a taxi, where there was a droid piloting. Esvald pushed the droid out. '''GUS: '''omg so evil he killed IG-211 totes And flew the ship to the Old Galactic Market where they bought new gear and weapons. They went to a club and met Selven Frost, a friend who escaped Ord Mantell before the war. '''GUS: '''Oh how nice that they managed to find a friend thank goodness. They explained the problem to him, and he told them that they could live with him, as long as they helped him with a few missions, as he was a smuggler.They agreed. And that's where everything changed... '''GUS: '''I thought everything changed when the droids attacked. Category:Blog posts